20 Years in the Guard as a Single Mother: Breaking Imposter Syndrome

Speaker labels and mis-heard names are corrected by hand; the words are as spoken, filler and all.

Preview clips

PJ: Wow, you have an honest friend.

Chrystall: Yes. Oh, yeah.

PJ: Oh, that's beautiful.

Chrystall: I'm wrong.

I highly recommend you all find an honest friend. Don't just stick to the people that tell you what you want to hear.

PJ: Yeah. You don't need that.

Chrystall: You don't need that. It doesn't help you grow.

No. So, accepting that from from other people that I was putting on a pedestal. Really?

PJ: Yeah. So, I mean, that kind of brings us back to comparison, huh?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Comparison is the thief of all joy.

Chrystall: It sure is. Yeah. When realizing like I don't need to walk around with a chip on my shoulder. We all probably came from very [expletive] up. Wait. Sorry.

PJ: You're good.

Chrystall: Okay. All right. That's a a problem that maybe I'm working on. Trying to curse less.

Conversation

PJ: Hey, welcome to the Mastering the Military Transition Series of the Prize Podcast. My name is PJ and I'll be your host. The purpose of this podcast is to share the stories of those who have successfully transitioned out of the military so you can see the tips and tricks necessary to have a successful transition of your own. That way you don't have to stumble across some of the same things that myself and my team at Prize had to struggle with. At Prize, we believe in a world where all enjoy the freedom to grow. That's why we're developing the Prize app. If you'd like to learn more, please check out the prize.vet link in the show notes below.

All right. Well, thank you for coming out. I really appreciate you.

Chrystall: Of course.

PJ: Hello friends, welcome to our next episode of the Prize podcast, Mastering Military Transition. Today we have Chrystall Jenkins.

Chrystall Jenkins uh served 20 years in the PA Army National Guard and retired as a first sergeant last year. Yes. So congratulations. That's really cool. Um you were the first sergeant of 252 quartermaster company and did two deployments to CENTCOM and now is serving as the primary prevention integrator not coordinator of uh second infantry brigade brigade combat team. Try saying that three times fast. Um and you also volunteer with Battleborne.

Chrystall: That's correct.

PJ: So awesome. Thank you for being here. Um, as we've gotten a little bit of feedback, we're now changing these uh questions up a little bit. And I would love to know what your journey was getting into the military, how you made that decision, and really who you were at that time.

Chrystall: Okay. Well, um, I was a teen mom.

Um, a teen single mom just looking for opportunity for myself and my daughter for a better life. um I wanted to go to college without debt and I didn't know any other way to do that but the recruiters were there

so that's where I went um yeah and I it's I'm glad I made that decision. It's changed my life for the better.

PJ: Yeah.

And what was like you're you're saying your impetus at that time was you you wanted to have a a different and better life for for you and your daughter, right?

How did that play out?

Chrystall: Um well, my daughter just turned 23 yesterday. Um, yeah. Thank you.

PJ: Happy birthday.

— Happy anniversary here.

Chrystall: Um, and I think, uh, I was able to provide more opportunities for her than I had as a kid. I was able to buy a home, you know, using the VA home loan.

PJ: Oh, cool.

Chrystall: I was able to finish college. Um,

Pennsylvania Army National Guard had something called MIP, so she was able to go to college free of charge, too.

PJ: Wow.

Chrystall: Yeah. So, even though I used my all of my um benefits, she was able to use some, too.

PJ: That's amazing.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Okay. So if you don't mind like give me a little bit of your journey while you were you know in um active were you active component were you

Chrystall: all national guard so about eight years of it I was on [expletive] so like full-time orders and of course at two deployments so um but 10 years is not enough to stick around for another full-time 10 years like 10 years is a whole decade

PJ: yes it is

Chrystall: let me out

— literally

PJ: I understand that um I mean so how was your time in the military like what were the highlights

Chrystall: um highlight highlights. Uh I'm I highlight this all the time, but it really is like one of the best moments of my career during the deployment with uh 252

um doing ruck marches with my soldiers. So, it was nice to see like people realize their potential

um see the things that they can do even if they were like that's crazy. I'm not doing that.

And then to be there as they realize they could do it, it's just it's phenomenal.

PJ: Yeah.

Yeah. So, that leadership aspect, right?

Chrystall: Yeah. That's that's the good stuff. That's the stuff I still miss. Not all the other stuff.

PJ: Yeah. Like what?

Chrystall: Um not you know being somewhere super early for something that might not happen or

um you know busy work like hey I know I I told you guys to move that stuff from here to there but actually we have to move it from there back here like yeah

and motivating people to do ridiculous things like that.

PJ: Yes.

I understand that

— this isn't helping any of us. So it's really hard for me.

PJ: So, how what was your trajectory like going from I mean I mean not being in the military to like first sergeant. I mean that's pretty big deal.

Chrystall: Yes. But also that took a long time. So um

I think I was at the 16-year mark when I became a master sergeant. Um and then 17 year mark I changed my MOS

um to you know put on the diamond for uh 252. Um, and I was reluctant to accept those kind of positions for a while cuz I didn't think I was ready. But I had peers that were like, "You're going to have to say yes eventually." Like, "You're you're ready." And I'm like, "All right."

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: Yeah. But it's it's just like, you know, being a parent, you're never there's never going to be a point where you're like, "Yeah, I'm 100% ready.

Time."

PJ: Yeah.

That's right.

Chrystall: Yeah. There's no perfect timeline.

PJ: Yeah. I totally feel you on that.

Yeah. So what what when when was the right time? Like when did you actually go, "Oh yeah, this is the right time for me to accept this."

Chrystall: So the the first time it was offered, I turned it down because I wanted to deploy with the unit that I was with. They were going to Jordan. Um and then that didn't work out. So it was offered to me again. Um and I was a little curious. I'm like, how is that available again? But I was like, you know what? I'm not going to turn it down this time. I'll say yes.

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: So I'm happy I I agreed.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, backing up a bit, like I would actually like to I mean, what was your life like before you were in the military? I know you said single mom, but like what was it like? Where did what was environment like growing up?

Chrystall: Um, a bit chaotic. And I'm not saying I'm alone in that. I feel like that's a common factor for a lot of people that were, you know, enlisted at the 18 or 17 to 19 year old frame. Um, so, um, dysfunctional might be the word, dysfunctional childhood, but obviously, you know, my mother raised me, so I think I turned out all right, so I'm not going to beat her up. She did the best.

PJ: Sure. Awesome.

Chrystall: She did the best with what she knew

at the time. And then obviously she gave me a good work ethic because I figured out

how to improve things. So,

PJ: yeah.

And how do you feel like that helped you while in the military?

Chrystall: Um, sometimes it sucks really bad. So, so being able to power through like, hey, if I survive, you know, being 14 here, I can survive being E5 in this situation. Yeah.

PJ: Wow, that's quite a reframe.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: What brought that reframe about? Like, how did you get there?

Chrystall: Um, I think just having those conversations with people and realizing like I don't need to walk around with a chip on my shoulder. We all probably came from pretty [expletive] up Wait, sorry.

PJ: You're good.

Chrystall: Okay.

All right. That's a a problem that maybe I'm working on. Trying to curse less. Yeah. Yeah. Um but yeah, we're not we're not alone in, you know, having baggage. Um so you got to carry it anyway.

PJ: That's a common theme.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah, I hear you.

Chrystall: Like, okay, great. You got baggage, too. Let's go pick it up.

PJ: That's right. Yeah. That's completely subjective, too, right? Like what's big to someone else may not be big to another person and vice versa, you know? Um

Chrystall: and we don't have to compare either cuz that's that's what we get into like, okay, well now my suffering is worse than yours. Everybody's suffering. We don't we don't have to

measure them.

PJ: Yeah. And I also find that when we do compare with it, too, it it a lot of times leads us to not actually dealing with it,

Chrystall: right?

PJ: Because then it's like, well, I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: And that's not necessarily the right attitude to take. Yeah.

It's, hey, you're learning from it. And that's a beautiful thing.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Okay. So, I mean, 20 years. I don't want to gloss over this because you've obviously done some things while in there. 20 years.

Chrystall: One month and two days

— to one month and two days. Who's counting?

Chrystall: Yeah. Yeah.

PJ: Um what what would you say you said, you know, like a highlight was was the deployment and and the CENTCOM. Um were there any defining moments while you were in the military that really helped shape you or helped um or mentors

um that helped you along in your journey and help you become who you are today?

Chrystall: Yeah, I think so. Um, one one thing about the National Guard is there's no real um like formal mentorship program.

Um, so it's all kind of voluntary. So it's not like, okay, well this is my MOS, so I'm going to have a a mentor that's, you know, a grade or two above me. Mm- It's all

informal voluntary kind of connections. Um, and there were some some cases where there was like active duty leadership groups and you could get a mentor there.

Yeah. But when they figured out you're a National Guard, they're like, "I don't know what to tell this person." So then you're just ghosted on the other end.

PJ: Interesting.

Chrystall: Um, but I get it cuz there are there are a lot of differences. But the the people I was talking about before that are like eventually you're going to have to say yes. Like we were E7s together. Um, but I didn't have a combat deployment at that time and they did. You know, they got all the uniform candy and I'm like I'm never

I'm never going to be on that level. Like my first deployment was to Egypt. Oh,

PJ: I thought about that was cool.

Chrystall: Yeah, it was. It was. I was 22, so yeah, I was having a good time. Um, but to hear my mentors like pretty much tell me like it was like imposttor syndrome and I was like, well, I don't have this, I don't have that.

I would never know as much as you know. And they were kind of like, well, none of that [expletive] matters. Uh, just say yes and you'll figure it out. So accepting that from from other people that I was putting on a pedestal. Really?

PJ: Yeah. So I mean that kind of brings us back to comparison, huh?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: There's a lot of truth to that. Comparison is the thief of all joy.

Chrystall: It sure is.

PJ: Right.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: And and in ways where like you know imposter syndrome I I think that a lot of us might not even think of as comparison,

but it is right. Like we're we're getting out there and trying to say, "Oh, I don't belong here." Mhm.

But why are you even thinking that to begin with? You're thinking that to begin with because you're trying to look at someone else who you think does belong there.

And the funny thing is is they probably also feel that same way.

Chrystall: Yeah. We all do.

PJ: So that's they're like, "It's fine. Come on over here."

Chrystall: Mhm.

Yeah.

PJ: I like that. And you know, do you still talk to that individual?

Chrystall: Yeah.

Yep.

PJ: You do?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: How do they what role do they play in your life now?

Chrystall: So still a mentor. If I'm if I'm thinking that, hey, this makes a little too much sense. it's fitting into all the things I already believe or, you know, it falls right into my emotional thoughts, I have to run it by them.

PJ: Mhm.

Chrystall: And they're like, "No, you're a little biased here." Or, "No, you're exactly right." So, just like uh sanity check, maybe.

PJ: Yeah.

Wow. You have an honest friend.

Chrystall: Yes. Oh, yeah.

PJ: Oh, that's beautiful.

Chrystall: I'm wrong.

I highly recommend you all find an honest friend.

PJ: Oh, yeah.

Chrystall: Don't just stick to the people that tell you what you want to hear.

PJ: Yeah. You don't need that.

Chrystall: You don't need that. It doesn't help you grow.

— No, it leads it leads to a lot of disasters, actually.

— It does.

PJ: Yes, it does. What What experiences do you have with that?

Chrystall: Um, so I have experience being the being the bearer of bad news, which isn't always received well. Um, but you know, the enlisted side, I was a senior enlisted adviser, so feel like I was responsible for advising people correctly. And sometimes that's like, hey, that ain't going to work the way you think it is or I know you created this elaborate plan, but throw it in the garbage. M.

So, but that's needed cuz if you go in and say, "Oh, yeah. Yes, sir. We'll do that." And then, you know, equipment's broken, soldiers are hurt.

PJ: That's right.

Chrystall: Yeah. And I don't want to be that person either. So,

PJ: Sure.

Chrystall: If I'm headed down the wrong way, please tell me.

PJ: I appreciate that.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Um, so my background obviously is active duty and and I would be lying if I said I was like adept to the National Guard world. Um, I feel like with your experience with Battleborne and probably your experience right now also, um, as the integrator,

um, you likely have some viewpoints as to the differences of each.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Can you help me understand some of the differences both from like I mean, obviously there's operational difference. Mhm.

Um, and maybe you can highlight some of those, too. But I'm curious to know like from like a maybe purpose, an identity difference, a you know, we talked about mental health and in our last conversation. Can you help me understand some of those differences of like how things are different? Yeah. Sure. National Guard versus active duty.

Chrystall: Um, so I would say there there are a lot of similarities. cuz we all go through the same basic training in AIT or OSUT, whatever you went through. Um, but then after that, it's a bit different. So, we go to our first unit of assignment. You know, there are people in the guard that stay in the same unit for their whole career.

PJ: Wow.

Chrystall: Um, so, and it obviously it's not the same OPTEMPO, PERSTEMPO, or whatever the case may be. So, my time at uh brigade headquarters, seeing a specialist get assigned to an HHC, um say they were a motivated MP or military police officer, but now they're sitting in front of a computer watching us all do MDMP. It's just not it's literally not what they signed up for.

Um so, maybe a little bit of culture shock. So, that's why I think a lot of soldiers, they're like, "Ah, get me out of here. I want to go active duty."

PJ: Oh, interesting. So, is that a common thing?

Chrystall: It is. Um, but it gets complicated with your contract. So, you still have to um do do some time with the National Guard before we send you right back over to active duty.

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: Um, but I I understand for especially the the young people, like it makes sense do it now before

maybe that's not a good option for you,

right? Right. Um, and then as far as the the connections go, um, camaraderie, all that good stuff, you still form bonds with the people that you're in a unit with, but you know, it's one weekend a month, two weeks a summer or when you deploy, obviously it's a little longer than that.

Um, and then another challenge when it comes to community, we're not all living on the same base. So, um, like the unit I was a first sergeant on, there were people from all over the state. There were, you know, soldiers that flew in from Florida, um, because Pennsylvania has some good education benefits. So, um it's not like I could go knock on all of my soldiers doors if I wanted to cuz they're all over.

PJ: Oh, interesting.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. So, there's some leadership challenges there, too.

Chrystall: Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

PJ: Interesting. So, Freddy, the the last person who we had on um he had mentioned that going National Guard or reserves first allows you to to kind of have that

prior service hack, if you will, to be able to choose your your duty station and stuff after that.

Chrystall: You know, there's there's catches to everything.

PJ: Yeah, of course.

Chrystall: And then, you know, incentives change all the time. So, like I don't want to I don't want to set anybody up to think, well, if you go National Guard, then you can pick your duty station. Because then the catch to that, okay, you pick your duty station, but you don't get a bonus or

PJ: Oh, you didn't talk about that.

Chrystall: The military,

PJ: we're going to have to talk now.

Chrystall: The military is never like, here's all this good stuff and there's no downside. There's always something.

PJ: There's always something. Of course, there's always a trade-off. They ask you like what are your top three duty stations and then somehow you get to one that's not on that list. Like come on, you know.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Um so I I am curious then too like you actually highlighted some things that are I think kind of fascinating. I'd like to dissect a little bit. You know, one being that the camaraderie isn't necessarily the same. You know, you're seeing them one weekend a month um except on deployments, right? So, the bonds probably aren't as close, per se. Um,

Chrystall: it depends.

PJ: It depends. Okay.

Chrystall: Cuz I did have um it's like one of my platoon, a fuel platoon, P.

Um, a lot of them live close to one another. So, like

um I would joke sometimes and call them a cult because they were so close. It was like ridiculous. But in reality, it was amazing to see.

Um cuz they're in the National Guard. Yeah.

No, they don't all live in the same exact neighborhood, but they live close enough to get together. Like they do community service events together.

PJ: Yeah. And that is

Chrystall: um I'd say that's uncommon.

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: So to see it, it's beautiful to see. And if they see this um they're going to say that that's my favorite platoon, but wow.

PJ: She also just calls you guys beautiful, which is

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: I'm just kidding. No. Um that's cool. And I'm glad to hear that that is the case. And and I guess from like a a National Guard perspective, if you're, you know, obviously in a state and it's probably for some easy enough to do that because presumably you're not too far away from one another.

Chrystall: Big Pennsylvania is a big state.

PJ: I also wonder too though like

having a little bit of distance may help that as well.

Yeah. Cuz if I think to like active duty, not only are you like living sometimes with each other, um eating together, working together, you know, like you're literally you're basically married, you know, um some get married,

you know, like they do.

Chrystall: Yes, they do.

PJ: I would imagine on some level that also helps build um build a relationship and camaraderie. So, I'm glad you hear that that's alive and well.

Yeah. How about from like coming off of a deployment where you are together now all the time

and then and potentially seeing some terrible things, right? And then coming back and dispersing to your homes um not necessarily being as close to one another.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: How does that play out?

Chrystall: I think um it's pretty complicated. So my first deployment I was in E4. I was not responsible for anybody else. Um, and I came home and I feel like it was much easier to get back to normal.

Um, get right back to work and all that. But this time around it was drastically different. Um, you know, I was responsible for

my soldiers. Um, and then even getting them back home and knowing there's some issues here, but you kind of have to like let it go. Like, hey, you're

PJ: what do you mean?

Chrystall: Um, well, I had a lot of soldiers that were attached, so literally they're not assigned to me anymore. So, informally, I can reach out to a lot of people, but in reality, they can tell me to go [expletive] off because you're not my first sergeant anymore. Um,

PJ: how interesting.

Chrystall: Yeah. Um, and I don't know that they would say it like that, but you hopefully you know what I mean. Um, and then I had uh even for me, I had 6 weeks of leave to burn. Um, then I was going back to full-time orders. But to go from having a routine, like I was getting up at 5:00 in the morning, going to the gym, going for breakfast, um you know, seeing the same people, doing the same meetings, and I thought like I just want to go home and do nothing. And that's what I did. And I think that set me up for failure.

PJ: Why?

Chrystall: So because there was no routine, and then all I was doing was thinking and oh, I could have done that differently. I could have said this differently. I should do this. And you know, shooting all over myself.

Yep. Yep. Um, and then just to think, well, if I'm feeling this way, how many how many others did the same thing and didn't know that that wasn't the right thing to do? So then when I saw people um like struggling on social media, posting certain things, like reaching out like, hey, it's not just you. Um, reintegration is hard. Um, and then like, okay, we were gone for 10 months to a year and things didn't pause while we were gone. So he had a baby. Well, now your baby's a toddler. Mhm.

Um, and some of us, we were married when we went over there and now we're divorced when we come back or shortly after we come back.

Um, and then for me retiring so shortly after, like there was literally a time I was like, who the [expletive] am I now?

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: Uh, so I know I wasn't alone in that struggle and there's no like there's no BL block on um, SFL-TAP or whatever they're calling it now that covers that. So

PJ: Yes.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. That's uh, something I hear a lot.

Yeah. So, I'm curious to know how you dealt with that.

Chrystall: Um, by reaching out and making connections that I didn't have anymore. So, I'm still connected to a lot of soldiers, but I'm not going to drill. I'm not going to annual training,

PJ: right?

Chrystall: Um, I'm an introvert. Uh, I was just joining everything. I joined like three or four book clubs. I was at the library for almost every event.

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: Um, I showed up for some like veteran nonprofit events, but not all of those connections were meaningful or reciprocal. Um, so some of those have fallen away.

Um, cuz I'm not a puppy or a kitten. Not everybody's going to like me and I don't like them either. So, uh, if we're not a good fit, it's let's part ways. So, I'm only in one book club. Um, there's two veteran nonprofits that I'm connected to. I'm pretty passionate about and I feel connected again. like I don't feel like I'm lost and just flouting out there with no purpose or

um nobody that makes me feel like I'm their brother or sister. So, I'm glad to have that.

PJ: Yeah. So, I'm curious too then like how did you get to the point where that was the route that you took? And I asked that because I also know people, myself included, where, you know, get out on this like I want nothing with to do with this world and you just kind of push it away. And you know, a lot of that comes from your own trauma or stress or whatever you're dealing with or, you know, upon getting out, I'm sure.

But like it sounds like that's not what you did. What lens were you viewing maybe the world or your own life in in order to allow yourself to re-enter that world or or maybe never even separate from it?

Chrystall: So, I'll say uh what I was doing previously obviously didn't work because um when I

just you know connecting with my military people, right?

Um because I'm going to see them at at some point as an introvert like okay well I don't care if I don't see anybody until next month. That's fine. I know I'm going to see you next month. So to go from that to well I'm only going to see my kids um and my co-workers and you know that's that is not what we're meant for like humans are social beings. So even if you are an introvert you need somebody.

PJ: Yes.

Chrystall: Um

PJ: can we highlight what does an introvert mean?

Chrystall: I am um energized by alone time.

PJ: Yes.

Chrystall: Yeah. So like social interactions can be exhausting especi like if this was a party setting

I'd be sweating and like trying to find an exit. But because it's one-on-one, this is fine.

PJ: Right. Right.

Chrystall: I'm not going to need to recharge my social battery after this.

PJ: Thank you.

Chrystall: Yeah.

Um not shy. Uh yeah.

PJ: Yeah. Yes. No, thank you. I think I think that that term is thrown around a lot and I don't think it's fully understood.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: That like like you're saying, an introvert is someone who tends to get more energy from being alone or introspective. Y

whereas an extrovert tends to get more energy from being in social contexts and conversations. And there are people and I know that I'm I'm in this boat where there are times where I get energy from other like conversations

— and me. Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. So that's I thank you for clearing that up. Um I think I do think that that's a misunderstood term.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Sorry. Um keep going though. You were saying that like you

what you were doing wasn't working

— and so

Chrystall: cuz if it was working I would still have connections when I got out but I was like who am I? Oh, also I got divorced.

Um, so that's another like identity thing. Oh, I'm not this person's wife. I'm not a first sergeant. I'm not a currently serving soldier. Who the hell am I?

Um,

and then so finding all those connections and also my therapist was like, hey, just get out there cuz I was convinced like, well, I'm going to get rejected or like we tell ourselves these crazy stories. Yes, we do.

Um, but actually that's not what happened. So me seeing I'm not a fit here. Um I am trying not to curse as much here, right? But if we're at like at book club, like I should be able to speak freely. So um I'm not a normal like housewife. Uh my kids are older.

Um I do have colorful language.

Um I don't fit in with the book club with the housewives and that's okay.

PJ: Yeah, sure.

Chrystall: So why would I stay here and make it awkward for all of us? Like this was nice connection. No hard feelings. I'm out of here. Um, and then the library, I think that's great. Um, supporting the public library. There was a lot of programs I didn't even know about. Um, so getting the word out to my daughters and like supporting something local. Um, and then I actually went to something for work. Um, it was like a a veterans wellness summit.

PJ: Oh, cool.

Chrystall: And that's when I first ran into um WVET, which is Women Veterans Empowered and Thriving, and Battleborne. Um, so there were guest speakers, there were like workshops, and I just went around and talked to them, got information, and then I started showing up to events they held. And um, it wasn't like, "Oh, who'd you say you were? Who'd you serve with? Oh, you didn't go here, you didn't go there." They didn't even ask me any of those questions. It was like, "Hey, this is what we're doing. Um, this is how you can help." Or, "This is how you can participate." And I jumped right in.

PJ: Yeah. I love that.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. I First off, I I commend you for sticking with it. I think there are people out there who have that first difficulty and then go screw it.

Chrystall: Yeah,

PJ: this isn't for me. And then they just give up.

Chrystall: And oh, those moments were there.

PJ: They were there, but how did you push through them?

Chrystall: Um, well, we'll bring in some master resilience training or positive psychology, like the story you're telling yourself isn't necessarily true.

PJ: And where did you hear that?

Chrystall: Um, master resilience trainer at the the school for that. Um, so okay, Marty Seligman from UPenn. Um, lots of good stuff in there. So, a lot of it is, uh, maybe we made an assumption. So, I assume you don't like me because you looked at me for 3 seconds.

So, now I'm I'm telling myself, well, you don't like me because my nose is pierced or because you don't like my tattoo. I'm telling myself this whole ridiculous story and really you were lost in thought thinking about something and you had no idea that I created this narrative.

PJ: That's right. That's right. Yes.

Yeah. Um, do you ever read the book Crucial Conversations?

Chrystall: No, I don't think so.

No.

PJ: Really, really awesome book. One of the things it talks about is this idea of how we can tend to not discuss these feelings or not discuss these things that are going on in our heads and then Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that a lot of times it's also a fear

of of like even bringing it up like if I bring it up, this person's going to think X, Y, or Z. Um, and what this actually winds up causing then is this festering idea and and you keep amplifying your own story within yourself and then you keep confirming it because

the thing is is as we're doing here, it's actually creating that same energy, right? Um, and then it also winds up having other people kind of be like, well, what's going on with this person? Why are they feeling X, Y, or Z? I think that being open to then like these conversations or being open to sharing these thoughts or feelings with others so that it doesn't even get to that point is um powerful. And so was this something that you were working through with your therapist? Like how how did you find out about these resources um to begin with?

Chrystall: So started with master resilience trainer and I I still call myself like a recovering pessimist. Um so like going to that course like oh I don't have to think like doomsday like I don't have to come up with plan A through Z. I could use my energy for something else.

So just having that

and then like that's not an easy habit to break. No.

So um I'm still like I'll call myself one of the best catastrophizers ever.

Um but I know that's a waste of my energy. So, like instead, what if things went right? And then in reality, things are more on the going right side than they are on the disaster. Um, and I know that now, but if I go outside and someone hit my car, like I'm going to catastrophize.

Um, so it's just adjusting and and bringing your back bringing yourself back to reality.

PJ: Yeah. And what habits did you build in order to like make that a mindset?

Chrystall: Um, so like mindfulness is a good one. That's like one of the things I like to be outside. Like if I'm outside um on the water or looking at the trees or the mountains or whatever, depending on where I am, I can't be stuck in my head cuz it's it's too beautiful or

um there's too much to take in to convince myself to think shitty thoughts.

PJ: Okay.

Chrystall: Um there's that. Journaling is another one. Um and then also like that spiral like if I'm starting to get anxious and I'm like, "Oh my god, this is terrible." Like wait a minute, everything is not terrible. We've been here before. Uh it wasn't true then. It can't be true today. So

PJ: So did you find and and I'm going to project a little bit so please forgive me.

Like

in in my own journey here like I found where there were times especially early on where it would be maybe months before I catch myself.

Chrystall: Oh yeah.

PJ: Right. Or or you know maybe it starts getting better on its own because I'm not necessarily living in it as deeply. And then that shortens through habit into weeks,

days, hours and some and then you get to that point where it's now like minutes like it happens and you can catch yourself and be like like how did that work for you? Did you have a similar experience?

Chrystall: So I will say there are times where it's not possible to pull yourself out of that right um because life happens. Uh I don't think there's any adult well there might be some but most of us are struggling in one way or another right

um so also so I go to therapy I'm you know connected to um meaningful connections in the community I spend time with my loved ones I spend time outside I exercise but also I take my medication so like there was a time where I thought like well I'm not okay if I'm still taking medication and that's not the case like brain chemistry is a thing um whatever diagnosis you have, that's a thing. So like don't feel bad for that. So it's a combination. It's not there's no get right quick thing. There's no I'm going to feel better tomorrow if I go for a 5 mile run. No, it's a a combination of those things.

And then it's realizing over time that changes. Like once upon a time I could run and that would clear my head. You would have to pay me to run today.

PJ: Yeah.

— I'm not paying anyone else to run any miles. So

Chrystall: yeah, but hiking or being out on my paddle board, that's my piece.

PJ: For white water rafting.

Chrystall: Yeah, for the Well, I don't know. That's my piece yet.

PJ: Y

Chrystall: but I'm going to try it.

PJ: I love that. Yeah.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: So, how did you get to where you are now? Like I mean, you you trans. It's only been a year, so I mean like what how was how did that go?

Chrystall: It feels like it's been so much longer than that.

PJ: Does it?

Chrystall: Yeah.

Um just little by little and not giving up on myself. So I think um like servant leadership was a big thing, a big movement and now we're moving towards transformational leadership.

Um but you know putting yourself last was was kind of ingrained. So something that I was already doing

PJ: from the military,

Chrystall: but but something I was already doing like that was my family dynamic too. Like I have to do this, you know, I have to work hard to um to be supportive for my family.

And then it was never like stop and think, well, what about me? Cuz that's selfish. Um but in reality, I can't do anything for anybody else if I don't take care of myself. So that's

100% easy to understand now.

PJ: Yeah.

Chrystall: But like

we'll say 18 months ago, I'd be like, get out of here. You can't put yourself first.

PJ: Yeah, we we talked about that with um with our episode with Jasmine. Hi, Jasmine. Um where I think that a lot of us are brought up in that mindset that it is selfish to take care of ourselves. Um especially anywhere near first.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: And you know, it is so important to take care of yourself. Um, and I'm going to dare say first

because pour you can't pour from an empty cup, you know,

Chrystall: and what you do pour is pretty crappy.

PJ: That's right. That's right. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. There was a meditation I was listen to the other day about like if you were squeezed, what would your juice taste like?

Chrystall: Bitter sometimes.

PJ: You know, you know,

Chrystall: that's a good question,

PJ: right?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. I I've been asking myself that one the past few days and I got to say um recently hasn't been very good. So, I'm working on this. Um, and I think that's actually a point too I'm gonna illustrate. Sometimes we fall back.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Sometimes we are innocent humans that fall back into our old patterns because they've ingrained in time because we're we're not perfect. Excuse me. Progress is where it's at. So,

all right. You then are starting to figure out how to love yourself first is is what it sounds like. Yeah.

Chrystall: It sounds really cheesy, but yes.

PJ: No, but it's so true. It's so true.

Yeah. And how did that now bring you into like this integrator position?

Chrystall: So it is nice to feel like everything is connected. So um it's a mouthful primary prevention integrator but the focus is trying to prevent harmful behaviors in the military population specifically national guard for uh my role.

Um but we're trying to prevent um these crises before they happen. So we've been doing intervention and response for how long? Let's try to prevent some stuff. Um, so if we get people connected, um, if we, you know, increase their morale, if we decrease their binge drinking, even, you know, because it's also amazing when people actually admit to that because they feel like they can be honest with how much they're drinking.

PJ: Yes.

Chrystall: Yeah. But when you get people away from that and they're actually connected and they're able to talk to their family without problematic anger, um, then you can prevent things. And even applying all that stuff to my interactions with my family and my loved ones, like it works.

PJ: Yeah.

And how how does that take place? You know, you said prevent harmful behavior. I'm actually curious like you said increase morale.

Chrystall: Mhm.

PJ: What are the techniques for that? How do you increase morale?

Chrystall: Um it's a it's an art and a science. Yes.

PJ: The beatings continue till morale.

Chrystall: Yeah. Yeah.

No. Um, so you're gonna say like a bad word to some of us. Have you ever heard of the DEOCS or the command climate survey?

PJ: No. Oh, command climate survey. Yeah.

Chrystall: Okay. So that's part of it. So like every year we do that. Um, so the surveys go out and soldiers or service members get to give their feedback. And for even me like I took that survey for years and I never saw anything happen happen from it. But now this is the third year where it's not just going to the company command team or unit command team. It's going up. Like we're even reporting that stuff up to the Department of Defense.

PJ: Wow.

Chrystall: Um and then each company commander, okay, this is what my soldiers are telling me they're experiencing because that's another key thing like that survey, the results of it is not a um a report card for the command team. It's

hey commander, this is what your soldiers are going through.

So if they're saying, I don't feel connected, or you know, I'm struggling to get to drill. I don't know what my benefits are. I have no idea how to get help with mental health. So now the commander sees that and instead of guessing they make a plan based on the feedback that they got from their soldiers and then everything else they see from talking to soldiers, talking to key leaders. Um so say if the issue was and these are crazy numbers, right? But say 90% of the company admitted to binge drinking or drinking to the point of blacking out and they wouldn't cuz no one is that honest.

PJ: No one. Yeah, I was going to say the number may not be inaccurate, but the the honesty there may be accurate. Yeah,

Chrystall: but then that commander would go down the route of, okay, well, maybe we need to get um and now I forget what they're called, but they're also under the same umbrella with me like um substance substance misuse. Get that team out.

PJ: SACO,

Chrystall: we have different programs than active duty. So, um

and like I am friends with some of the people. They're going to be mad that I forgot the name of the program.

PJ: Oh, boy.

Chrystall: They know what I mean. Yeah,

but they come out, it's conversational. It's not death by PowerPoint. Um, also partnering with like um local organizations, even law enforcement. So, get the state police come in and say, you know, this is how much a DUI costs. Um, this is the impact it could have on your career. So, just knowing that in advance, like, ah, maybe I shouldn't drink and drive. Um, and I know some of that sounds ridiculous and I exaggerated some numbers, but that's the point. the commanders are doing something relevant based on what their soldiers are going through and not just winging it. Well, I'm gonna have an obstacle course because my soldiers seem angry. Like, that doesn't make any sense.

PJ: No, it doesn't. It doesn't. And Well, okay. So, how effective have you found that?

Chrystall: Um, so we're still um still new. So, this will be the third year we're getting

PJ: Is the whole program new?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Oh, it is. Okay.

Chrystall: Yeah. Um,

PJ: and is that only a Pennsylvania national?

Chrystall: DoD wide. Um, they're on active duty bases, National Guard reserves, or we're everywhere.

Um, so we're figuring out what works. So if what we were doing didn't work, we're trial and error.

PJ: That's cool. And what where do you think that came from? Like all of a sudden now that there's this mentality because let me tell you my experience with the command climate survey was that generally we filled it out and I remember one very specifically that I'm not going to dive too deep into, but basically the leader once he got it basically said, "Oh, there's no problem here."

Chrystall: Oh, no, you can't. So you can't say that. So it's not just it's not just going to that commander's eyes. So for that entire brigade, I see all of the surveys and then you know my boss sees that and it goes up higher. So

if there were some problematic stuff in there like um mental health is another one. So there's a lot of concern about mental health. I don't know how to get mental health for myself or my family.

PJ: You can't ignore that.

Chrystall: Yes.

Um and then to go from

I know the numbers are different, but whether it was 22 veterans a day or we're down to 19, it depends. Yeah. Um, that's still a significant amount of people to lose. So, right, let's not act like that's small numbers or people in your formation. So, you had to do something about it. So, you can't you can't sweep it under the rug and say, "Hey, no, this ain't a problem here. Drive on. It's a problem and you have to come up with a plan to address it.

But, we're not here to tell you how to fix it. It's your unit." So, the commander and first sergeant come up with a plan to get their their people back on track.

PJ: Okay. Good. Good. and and what do you like how often do you see them actually following through?

Chrystall: So, um is there's always constraints, right? We're always being asked to do more with list.

PJ: Yes. Yeah.

Chrystall: So, a lot of it is fitting things um into an existing training schedule um cuz we're not getting a whole lot of money to send people to schools or um to like bonding events or anything like that. but also uh seeing everything connected for me. So, okay. Well, this nonprofit does these kind of events. Oh, well, they're focused on veterans. Well, have you ever heard about the 15,000 National Guardsmen that are in Pennsylvania and now we're bringing them in? So, I was able to um do Operation Rowand Go with Battleborne with um

so it was open to veterans or you know, anybody really. Um but come out to Lake Nockamixon. We uh we rucked for about 3 miles um through Nockamixon State Park.

And then after we were done with that, we got on paddle boards or kayaks depending on your um range of motion. And we were on the water for about 90 minutes and it was amazing. That's awesome.

Yeah. Kind of like mandatory fun, but not because we we went there voluntarily.

PJ: Volunteer mandatory fun.

Chrystall: Yeah. Um but but stuff like that.

PJ: I'm just kidding.

That's cool actually. That's really cool. Yeah,

I don't ever doing that like in my unit.

Chrystall: I did that once when I was a platoon sergeant. Um, and some of the soldiers were not happy. Like, what do you mean I have to like canoe across this lake?

But for for some of us that's great and that's how I connect with other people. Like there was an older veteran there.

Uh, I think it was a Vietnam vet, but he was teaching other people how to use the kayak and kayak paddle. to just see that joy on his face and then also to see my joy because I thought it was just going to be maybe me and Chris showing up. Um, but yeah, 14 veterans and and families connected. So,

PJ: and that's that's wonderful. Yeah, that's great. So what do you find like personally to be and I know you said it's new but like in your experience maybe in your own purview like what have you found to be the most effective um in helping someone maybe overcome maybe these stories that they have going on in their head or or tra or trauma like what what have you found to be most effective?

Chrystall: Um well listening is one. um listening just to listen cuz I know I'm a problem solver but I've learned over the years especially with my daughters to just listen cuz sometimes they do not want you to help

— solve seen that nail on the head.

Chrystall: Yes. I I watch that often because once again I'm used to solving a problem. Okay, here's here's the solution. That's that's not what they're asking for.

Um and then because you mentioned trauma

like don't turn it into a comparison. Trauma is trauma. It doesn't have to have a capital T, a lowercase T. um that's stuff you went through and also it doesn't have to have occurred in the military. So

PJ: that's right. Yes.

Chrystall: I think we talked about it before um depending on where you grew up like you might have seen someone die right in front of you in your neighborhood or you might have been um witnessed to an abusive relationship between your parents. Like that also causes CPTSD. Um and ACEs or adverse childhood experiences are a thing.

PJ: That's right.

Chrystall: Um, but for a lot of us, we're recruited too early uh before we get into therapy and have the words um or coping mechanisms to get through that. So, our head on a swivel because we're anxious because our parents are always yelling or

yeah, it's all all connected. But, you know, just letting somebody know trauma is trauma. We're not here to compare. I don't care what patch you have on your right side or um even if you got out because you had a training injury during basic training, you still you're still a human being.

PJ: Definitely.

Chrystall: Yeah. your story is valuable and there's somebody to listen.

PJ: Yeah. So, I hear you. I mean, like the listening thing and listening, I think for a lot of people is very challenging.

Um, and that's a whole another conversation that we can maybe have some other day.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: But like I think it's it's really important, you know, and and this is why I was curious about like from a National Guard perspective when when you come back from a deployment and it's just kind of poof. Um, and I mean I see that active duty too, but it's like we come back together at some point and then it's, you know, only a week or two later.

I think that that probably is less common for the National Guard.

Chrystall: Yeah. We get like 90 days off.

PJ: Yeah. And that's wild, right? Because then you're taking everything that you have back to your family and all pre-existing things that you've had there or back to your day job that again maybe they can't relate in any way, shape or form.

With your position and I know that you're doing a lot of like presentations, a lot of trying to bring people in. You said that you're limited in time.

You probably also can't listen to everyone as they come back either. So, is there something that's being put in place right now to help bridge that gap? Especially in these times where again, it's like I I just went and maybe even saw something very traumatic and I came back and all of a sudden I'm I'm here for a weekend.

Chrystall: So, one great thing this time around that wasn't there for my first deployment was GRIT. It was called getting ready in theater. Um it's kind of like behavioral health on post. Um, but of course they would caution you from certain things like, "Hey, there's certain work that we don't want to dig into cuz you might get worse before you get better." So, like they didn't want to go deep into any like military sexual trauma stuff or or things like that.

But if you were having trouble sleeping or having trouble communicating with your peers or supervisors, there were stuff there for that.

Um, so encouraging people to go to that instead of, you know, come to the first sergeant's office and I'll be your therapist cuz I'm not I'm not

— the first sergeant anymore.

Chrystall: No. Right. Right. And yeah, and then that that disconnect. Okay, now we're all back and we're going to our normal lives. I literally can't talk to 200 people.

PJ: Yes, exactly.

Chrystall: I can't be your sin eater. Um, it would exhaust me. And so,

PJ: how do you scale that?

Chrystall: Well, trusting other people. So,

as a as a leader at this level,

how arrogant would it be for me to assume I could help 200 people?

— Yeah, it is. It's not possible.

Chrystall: So, setting up leaders, there's this cheesy picture and I could send it to you. It's like um Master Splinter with the Ninja Turtles as like little babies

and then they grow up. Maybe Master Splinter is an E6 in the first picture and the the

the Ninja Turtles are like privates and maybe an E5 and then it's it's something like always uh mentor your subordinates. So then you know Master Splinter is a sergeant major and then everyone around him is an E7. There's a lieutenant in there. So it's kind of that like be the change you want to see in the world. give people those skills so it's not just them coming to you. Um and then in in in cases now um people will bring something to me and it'll be like hey listen I understand what you're saying I don't have the capacity to help you with that but I know someone that can. So like connecting the resources

um and if they want to like being there when they make the call

so cuz that's that's frustrating too. You give somebody a folder full of resources great you just gave me a homework assignment. Get the [expletive] out of here. It's like um so actually making sure you make the connection so that they're connected to somebody that can help them if they want it.

PJ: Right. Yeah. When and when you say someone, are you talking about like someone else in the unit? Are you talking about maybe someone else on post? Are you talking about like a resource organization? Like

Chrystall: it depends on who's coming to me. So if it's one of my former soldiers, they're coming to me and they they have, you know, this happened with my promotion or, you know, school's not getting paid for because I just got out a year ago and I'm still in that environment. I still have um the right points of contact to connect them to. But if it's on the personal side, hey, I need I need this work done in my house and I don't have the money. Um you know, there's Battleborne is able to connect them the resources for um and not not just B like there are other organizations out there and even

I think we talked about this before, but when it comes to like getting VA benefits, there are so many scammers out there. So if somebody comes and they're like, "Oh, I just had to pay this person $5,000." Wait, let me stop you right there. Because there are VSOs, like there's somebody at the county that already gets a salary to help you with that and you don't have to pay a dime.

PJ: Say that again.

Chrystall: Someone at the county uh receiving a salary to help veterans get their veterans benefit. So, please do not pay anybody thousands of dollars to get you something that you already earned.

PJ: That's right.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. Um and also, by the way, I think that there's and I've seen this and I've heard this before, too. I think there's a little bit of a prevailing thought also is like I don't deserve X.

Chrystall: Yeah,

PJ: please get over that. Um and and I don't mean that in the callous way. I mean that in like you do deserve it. Like

there there are things out there specifically made to help you. And it's I think a lot of times we let our and don't take this in the wrong way, but like ego get in the way. And I I know that's a loaded word.

Chrystall: I read that,

PJ: right? It's a loaded word. And we've talked about this in the podcast before, but like you know, ego really is just meant to protect you, but in this case, it's actually not protecting you. It's not like reach out there, go get the help that you need,

and know that there's people like you

to help make that easier.

Um, and it's not like go off and and find someone who's going to charge you this this $5,000 in order to make that happen either. It's it's there. It's free. It's available. And and we're here to help you with that, too. And we can talk about that at some other time. So, I know that you you volunteer with a couple organizations. I'm curious to know one to hear a little bit like how you got involved with those organizations and then like what it what it does for you.

Like whatve I've heard from numerous people and kind of my own journey as well. Like that service piece is something that I think is pretty ingrained in us as service members, right? It's in the name. And I think it's something that may be downplayed in some way of how or maybe even thought of in a way of like selfish of like how it can actually help you as well. Can you help me understand like your own journey what that's done for you and and yeah

Chrystall: so um whether it's selfless service you know one of the the army values or that servant leadership still coming in but the healthy version of it I am still like I don't know empowered or energized by volunteering like I'll share the the one instance it was at Musikfest uh volunteering with Battleborne and

— just like a couple weeks ago

Chrystall: yeah not that long ago Um, but a veteran was brought up in a wheelchair like right next to the Battleborne tent. Like I don't think his girlfriend did that on purpose, but it was like perfect timing. So he had on a shirt that had some signatures on it. And we said hello and he was a Vietnam vet. He had like, you know, the the pins all over his hat. And we were joking like, "What happened? Did someone just leave you here?" And he's like, "Oh, my girlfriend left me. I don't know why." Um, she was probably off getting drinks or something.

PJ: Right. Right.

Chrystall: But it was his birthday. Um, and he was wearing the white shirt to get signatures for his birthday. So, we were all able to go over and sign his shirt. Um, and we talked for a little while until his girlfriend came back and then it got busy again. We went to to sell t-shirts. But that was just another like intergenerational connection. It was a nice conversation and it was a nice moment for him. He was like, "Thank you so much." Because also one of um another volunteer has her daughter with her, a little girl also went and signed too. So, like

I I always know like older people, they're energized by seeing younger people. So, that that probably made his day.

Um, and that was like a 5minute interaction, but just just things like that. And I told him like one of one of my favorite gifts for my soldiers, it's a Pennsylvania flag and they signed it. So, there's signatures all over it. So, I asked him if he thought about doing that for his next birthday. Oh, cool.

Um, yeah, just interactions like that are what make it all worth it.

PJ: Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I totally hear you on that one.

Has there been a a moment where you have you've been volunteering

to where it's like really like that's impactful, right? But I mean like one that like really stands out like that that was a really impactful type interaction or um maybe you made like a really big impact on their life or they came back later and said something. Have you had anything like that?

Chrystall: Um so not with volunteering, I'll say with like leadership experience sometimes. Uh my soldiers will bring something back to me like, "Oh my god, you were listening."

Um

PJ: Oh, yeah. People notice that, don't they?

Chrystall: Like, oh [expletive]

Mhm. Um but just hearing someone say like, you know, you taught me this and I really used it and it it made all the difference. I'm like, I taught you that. Okay, I guess I did. Um but like your your work isn't going unnoticed. It's for a reason.

Um those long nights, long days, headaches. um there's there's a benefit for somebody on the other side and you don't always get to see that. So I also don't want to say like oh just do stuff to see the results because some of those results I may never see and that's not the important part

PJ: and that's not the point right. Yes.

Um do you follow stoic philosophy at all?

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. I I love how you know Marcus Aurelius will talk about like just do the right thing.

I had a mentor actually

Chrystall: that simple.

PJ: It is. It is. It's so simple and and almost insulting,

but it's so true. I had I had a mentor earlier on when I when I first got to Meta, a software engineer. I remember him saying like giving me advice of just like at any time if you don't know what to do, just do the right thing.

Chrystall: Yep.

PJ: And like it I laughed, right, cuz I was like, "Oh, yeah, duh." I think a lot of us think, "Oh, yeah, duh." But the thing is, a lot of us don't do it. Yeah.

Right. It's like I we have I think maybe it's ego I don't know but like it's this you know at any given time when we're presented with a situation if you can live in accordance with your value if you could be clear on your values but live in accordance with your values and congruent to that of doing the right thing

it's not about getting the recognition on the backside. It's not about seeing them come back and and saying like, "Hey, here's the difference you made in your life." But the funny thing is, the more you do the right thing, the more that happens.

Chrystall: And you can sleep at night just fine.

PJ: And you can sleep at night. Yeah.

Chrystall: I want to share something kind of related. What is parenting? Um cuz I feel like parenting and leadership and service are are pretty. Um, but my younger brother, uh, also at Musikfest, I got to witness him with my niece and hilarious to see him wrapped around her finger, but also like it brought me and my oldest daughter so much joy to just see him being a present, emotionally mature parent. So, she was having a temper tantrum and he picked her up and had her on her lap and said, "You know, you're having I'm going to let you have your moment.

You're having, you know, big feelings right now, but when you're done, we're going to talk about this." and he gave her a hug and I was like, "What?" So the the next day I called and I was like, "That was amazing. How did you know to do that?" And he's like, "I was just doing what I needed as a kid." And for me that was like an eye opening moment because that's not what I got when I was a kid, but I was providing what I thought was right.

I knew what I got isn't what I wanted to provide. But I went in the other direction. So for my brother to say that and I'm like oh my god why didn't I think of that? Like why didn't I even look at that option? So once again like just do the right thing. Why didn't I think about what I needed?

Oh because I never thought about that.

PJ: But how beautiful of a moment cuz now he taught you something.

Chrystall: Yeah. I was like oh my god.

PJ: Yeah.

You know it's funny. I went to a concert the other night and I was I was talking to a police officer because so I have a Tesla and um the doors don't open if your phone isn't on. Um, yeah, my phone died cuz I was foaming the concert and I went out to the car with my buddy and I was like, "Oh, can't get into my car now." That's how I died. And, um, so anyway, I learned and I put the card in my wallet, so I learned.

Anyway, I I went we went up to the police officer to see and charge the phone and um and she was telling us about how she was working an overtime shift because she had basically a a contractor take advantage of her. you know, someone who came in cuz her her house, she had a leak in her roof and the contract came in like cut out whatever the the thing was in the roof and and then basically like left her with this really halfass like job

and then on top of that it was still leaking,

you know, and then you just like pieced out and

Chrystall: it literally made it worse.

PJ: Yeah. Literally made it worse. It was like 10 20 grand and and she was telling me how like how how this was really challenging and and then she was telling me about how she had a situation with a a friend who had just lost I can't remember if it was like their their child

someone someone died and and like it was that situation that then grounded her of like

you know we did talk about comparison being the thief of all joy and we did talk about comparing trauma. I think that if you can instead of compare from a sense of, you know, maybe I shouldn't I don't know if I'm negating myself now, but

I think gratefulness is more like instead of comparing

— or maybe finding the beauty in something.

— Yeah. Yeah.

PJ: And and then we kind of turned it around to like, well, actually, if you wouldn't be working overtime right now, you wouldn't have saved my life.

Chrystall: Oh, yeah.

PJ: You know what I mean? I'd be stuck out here in this parking lot. So, thank you actually for giving me this gift. Yeah,

you know, in that situ, right? Actually, this is kind of beautiful.

I think that that reframing in those situations, and it's not going to happen immediately. And we talked about this with Joe last week. It's not going to happen immediately. But if you could shorten that loop to be able to take something that's potentially sour

and find the little wins and find the little good things in it,

— oh my god, you're unstoppable.

— You're unstoppable.

Chrystall: Right. Right now in my life, I will say I might be working harder than I've ever worked before. Um cuz you know postretirement, post divorce, um

this economy, you know, I still have children.

Sure. Um, but also it's really like this is the easiest it's been for me to laugh and smile and like find joy in the little things. So

I wouldn't trade it. And I know you do like quotes, attempted quotes.

PJ: Yeah, quotes. And yes, yes, quotes attempted to be quoted as a sense.

Chrystall: Yeah. But now I forgot what I was going to say.

PJ: No, tell me your quote.

Chrystall: Oh no, it's gone.

PJ: You were saying that you would you're working harder than you ever have. It's easier now for you to smile and laugh than it ever has been. And the quote is still gone.

Chrystall: Still gone. Yeah, it's gone. It's

PJ: That's right. We'll put it there anyway, even if you remember it later.

Um, hey, I don't I don't have a whole lot else. Is there anything else that you'd like to share with this audience from like a point of let's say someone is going through a transition or a tough time right now, whether it be for for them, for their family, loved ones, or anything. Do you have anything you'd like to share? Something that's useful?

Chrystall: Um, there there's always somebody out there. Um, and I'll I'll share one thing that came from an officer when I was serving, and it made me so mad when I heard it. Um, but I was coming with a bunch of problems uh that I didn't have a solution for, and he stopped me and said, "There are no new problems."

And I was pissed because I thought he was like dismissing everything, but that wasn't the point. There are no new problems. You might have a different combination, but there's somebody that has a solution for one of the problems in your pile. You just have to ask. And like me looking at you, I don't know what your problem is, but if you were like, "Hey, I need I need help with my Tesla." Well, I might not know, but I could connect you to somebody that does.

PJ: That's right. That's right.

Chrystall: Yeah. So, um, not being so arrogant to think you're the only one that went through this problem and also not being so arrogant to think that you can figure it out on your own.

PJ: That's right.

Chrystall: Not a mental health professional. Like,

I can't figure it out, but I know somebody that can.

PJ: Yeah.

Actually, that's one of the reasons why I love Stoic philosophy.

Yeah. is because that's so approachable. But when you look at it, like that was 2,000 years ago

and they went through the same things that we're going through now.

Chrystall: No new problems.

PJ: No new problems. I like that a lot. Um, thank you for that.

Chrystall: Yeah.

PJ: Um, if people want to get a hold of you, how can they do that?

Chrystall: Um, so you can get a hold of me on LinkedIn, um, Chrystall Jenkins, uh, on Instagram and TikTok. I don't really post on TikTok, but it's, uh,

Crystal Creates. and then have something I'm working on, create theconnections.com, but it's still um being built.

PJ: That's under wraps, huh?

We'll drop that in the show notes and everything in here. Hey, thank you all for stopping by. I really appreciate it. As always, I invite you to please like and subscribe. Please check out also the website we have them below. It's prize.vet. Um we do have something that we're working on that um I hope you all will be happy to be a part of or I invite you to be a part of. If you have any feedback for us, please let us know. Drop it in the the comments below. there are questions you want to see us asking, if there's people that you'd like to see us have on um or or themes that you'd like to see us work on, I invite you to drop any and all of that below. But until next time,

thank you so much.