Navy Vet, VA Executive, Bestselling Author: Turning Trauma Into Purpose

Speaker labels and mis-heard names are corrected by hand; the words are as spoken, filler and all.

Preview clips

Jasmine: If you imagine, I feel I feel like I grew up in the zombie apocalypse, but I remember people hanging over like with wads of money in their hands and I had to get on buses to get certain places. It was it was bananas. Your sense of identity is tied up into your military experience. For me, it was anyways.

I take something from every season of my life and I apply that to where I am today. I didn't get where I am today without learning a lesson.

PJ: Taking care of yourself is not selfish.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: In fact, it's one of the least selfish things that you can do.

Jasmine: Absolutely.

Conversation

PJ: Hey, welcome to the Mastering the Military Transition Series of the Prize podcast. My name is PJ and I'll be your host. The purpose of this podcast is to share the stories of those who have successfully transitioned out of the military so you can see the tips and tricks necessary to have a successful transition of your own. That way you don't have to stumble across some of the same things that myself and my team at Prize had to struggle with. At Prize, we believe in a world where all enjoy the freedom to grow.

That's why we're developing the Prize app. If you'd like to learn more, please check out the prize.vet link in the show notes below. Welcome to another episode of the Prize podcast. Today we have Jasmine Rush with us. She made the drive all the way from Virginia. So, thank you for doing that.

Um Jasmine is a Navy veteran.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Yeah. She was in for four years. Uh served as a boatswain's mate. Yeah.

Jasmine: Boatswain's mate.

PJ: Boatswain's mate. Yeah. Okay. Um she's currently senior executive assistant at the VA. And you've been with the VA for 12 years, which is a long time. That's awesome. We're going to get into that.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Um she currently also serves as the ambassador for the Institute for um Veterans and Military Families IVMF at Syracuse

and uh is the author of two books which is amazing by the way.

Um Help Me Tell and uh in the trench or Together in the Trenches. Um both of these books have to do with navigating uh trauma and PTSD.

And um she you got to the bestseller list on Amazon which is awesome

um for Together in the Trenches. That's so so cool. So, uh, let's go ahead and dive in if you don't mind. Um, I would love to go ahead and start by just, you know, tell me in your own words how Jasmine became Jasmine.

Jasmine: Yeah. I think, uh, that's a great question. Um, so I came to where I am now, uh, through trials.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: And tribulations, right? Like

I I think sometimes people look at where someone arrives to and they forget about the process.

PJ: Oh, absolutely.

Jasmine: And that it's a journey.

PJ: Mhm.

Jasmine: I know myself. I have done that. Yeah. I have thought about, oh, such and such is here and I want to be where they are. So by taking real steps, actionable steps, I I call it. Um I'll talk about a little bit of my journey if that's okay.

PJ: Yeah, please do. That's what

Jasmine: So I went in the Navy at the age of 19. Uh I tried I tried to graduate high school and go to college because that's what my family wanted me to do.

But I realized right away that I wasn't at that time college material. Um so from then I went to community college, Baltimore City Community College to be exact. I'm originally from Baltimore, Maryland.

PJ: Oh, cool.

Jasmine: Um, I went from there into the Navy and I left my hometown because it was a lot of drama going on.

I had I come from a broken home.

Um, my grandmother helped raise me.

Uh, and so I'm where I am at today because of her and the things that she did. My my dad was off like living his life, you know, and my mom um unfortunately had succumbed to the big crack epidemic.

PJ: Oo, I'm sorry.

Jasmine: Yes. Yes. And so she's still around, which is crazy. It's like bananas. I mean, if you imagine I feel I feel like I grew up in the zombie apocalypse.

Yeah. Um, and I tell people that and they laugh at me, but I remember people hanging over like with wads of money in their hands and I had to get on buses to get certain places. It was it was bananas, right?

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: So, I could have come from a place where I lived in this experience and just stayed in this bubble, but I said there had to be something different. M

so right away I um when I decided I was going to go into the military, I really wanted to go into the Marines. My uncle was a Marine and I loved his uniform. Um and so I said, "I want to go wear that black and that blue them blue pants with that red stripe. That was what I wanted to do." And I went to the recruiter and they told me no. They said I was too fat to join.

And so I said, "You know what? I'm I'm going to try to lose the weight. So, I started running around the alam. We had an alam. Um I start running about two two miles around this track.

PJ: Oh, cool.

Jasmine: Um and then somebody got shot.

PJ: Oh my god.

Jasmine: I said, "Oh Lord, I got to get out of here. This is bananas." So, I went to the Navy.

I wanted to go talk to the Navy and they took me right away. I left for boot camp in June of 2000 and then I went to uh what is it? Great Lakes Illinois.

PJ: Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Jasmine: Yeah. um and did my boot camp training, got out, went to Pensacola to take the aviation boatswain's mate handler training, and then I became um the supervisor for crash and salvage on the flight deck of the new USS Iwo Jima LHD-7.

PJ: Wow.

Jasmine: So, we had um a brand new crew, brand new brand new ship, and um we were led under the direction of the most amazing chief, Chief uh Chief uh Harold and Chief Boatswain's Mate and um he's he's since gone. Um now,

some of the things they taught us while while I was on that ship was phenomenal. Uh, it was about honor, courage, and commitment.

PJ: Sure.

Jasmine: And discipline and showing up and running around that flight deck when we were out to sea and all the things. I had a really good um experience in the Navy, but I got pregnant with my son in 2002 and I said, you know what? Um, I'm going to be responsible to take care of him because of my background. So I was on a fast track though to become an officer and I had to postpone that dream

to come out and take care of him. And so my husband was supposed to like do 20 years and then he just

decided to shift after eight. So we get to 2004, I get out of the Navy. Um your sense of identity is tied up into your military experience. For me it was anyways. Um, and I was like, "Oh, I've been Navy. I'm happy that I was Navy. I'm the only one in my family at that point to ever serve Navy. I have a history of Army and Marine Corps from like my dad and my grandfather." Um, and so yeah, I was like, "Oh, and the only girl to take the leap and and make make a jump into military service from my side of the family." So all of those things helped shape me in some way, shape or form, right? My experience before going into the military, my experience in the military, it helped to shape me.

When I met my husband, I met him in the Navy in 2001. We got married. Uh so we just celebrated 24 years of marriage.

PJ: That's amazing.

Jasmine: That is amazing, right? Because many of the friends that I knew that got married while in Yeah.

Um did not

do well. they they you know had some of those contract agreements and uh unfortunately had succumbed to like you know

whatever that is right um so for us we

we had our firm foundation and our anchor was in our faith and that's what helped I think keep us this far also a part of forming and shaping me he went to Iraq and Afghanistan he came back different you know so that also helped shape me which is

why all of my journey as a mom for my son and my daughter who's 16 going on 50

um is a lesson learned.

I take something from every season of my life

and I apply that to where I am today. I didn't get where I am today without learning a lesson from all the hard stuff, from all the good stuff, and from everything in between.

PJ: Yeah. Mhm.

I love that. So that's that brings us to today.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: When when you say um that you were on the fast track to be an officer um or transition to be an officer um

at that time and you had to make that choice then to get out like how did that how did that affect you?

Jasmine: Well, that's a tough question.

Yeah. Guys, I like this question, but it's very tough. I love deep questions. Um,

it affected me in many ways.

You're taking a person who's been abandoned and have to been put off to the side and left alone, right, from the people who supposed to help take care of me.

PJ: Mhm.

Jasmine: Um, then to go and try to set my own path.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: And then have to suppress another drink.

Yeah. Um, it affected me in many ways. Um, ways I'm still working out today if I'm 100% honest, right? And making things like, you know, two books, um, those weren't easy feats for me at all, even learning the process of writing and because if you talked to me about writing and reading before,

nope, remember I just told you I didn't do well in college, right? and came out. And so it's like, wait, this same person has a desire to tell a story and help other people tell their story, which is really a part of like the DNA of who I am. So yeah, that's I get here today by lessons learned and by continuing to document my journey. Yeah,

that's what I do in some way, form or fashion. I do that either in writing or video or pictures. That's really important to me.

PJ: Yeah. Well, I asked I asked that question for a number of reasons because because of what you just said, but you know, one being that you mentioned identity and you know, there's obviously our our every experience we have as as you're saying shapes our identity and who we are and we we do pick and choose which pieces of those play into that as well and we can be deliberate about it. But I think that that's precisely why I'm asking

is because you said you came from this environment that was very rough

and you made a choice. You took the reigns to write your own story.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: And you were in the military then. Um again shaping your own story here

and then something happens where now you can make a different choice

— can

PJ: but you are now derailed from your original sense of purpose.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's a challenge and and you know to to the topic at hand is also a traumatic one because it's something that is now completely Yeah. I mean to derailing what you had originally set out to do

and there are people that will take that and let it railroad them.

And from someone who came from the background that you did, you probably saw that happen.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Right.

Jasmine: Yes. Yeah.

PJ: Or we can then take it and uh to borrow a term that someone said recently, you can make lemonade out of horseshit.

Um and and and make it something beautiful.

Jasmine: Yeah. Yeah.

PJ: You did that.

Jasmine: Thank you.

PJ: You did you you took something that may not have been ideal at the time and you made it um beautiful.

Jasmine: Thank you.

PJ: How did you do that?

Jasmine: If if I hear your question right, you're talking about practical steps, right?

PJ: Well, yeah. I mean, like it can be practical steps, it can be mindset, it can be like what did you do? Like how did you change something that could have been really really hard and really really um it could have been really bad. It could have been um it could not have turned out the way it did.

Jasmine: Yes.

— How did make it turn out the way that it did?

Jasmine: Um I will say for me again my faith is like tan. It's the bedrock for me of how I move. Right. Um my favorite quote to say is love God love people.

PJ: Okay.

Jasmine: Okay. And I say that because I I have to love God first. I have to love my neighbor. But I can only do that as I love myself.

PJ: Yes.

— Okay.

Jasmine: Yeah. So I could have, as you said, made the decision to allow someone else to take care of my responsibility.

But as a firstborn child, as a child who again saw abandonment, I didn't want my son and six years later daughter to have to be figuring out what being abandoned by their parent felt like.

— Right. Right. So for me and that's unfortunately it is part of the military story when you have to be deployed and you have to be gone away and you have to miss so much.

— Exactly.

Jasmine: You choose you have to make a decision, right? But you're going to provide for your family because that's what you're going to do.

Or you're going to say I'm going to provide for my family in a different way. I'll be the person who stays here and shows up for them in a different way. And for me, even though I was at home with them while Glenn, my husband, was deployed, I still worked outside the home and I still felt like I was abandoning them

in some way, shape, or form. I do not know if I just answered your question. I felt like I rambled on a little bit.

PJ: Not at all.

Jasmine: Okay.

PJ: Well, actually, you eliminated something and and and it's that that that idea of abandonment was was really deep for you.

Jasmine: It was.

PJ: Well, you know, and I think that again this is kind of back to the same I guess thread that I was pulling before here in that when we have the way we grow up. You see, generally there's two ways that people will handle anything as we grow up, right? We either do the same thing or we do something completely different because we're like so turned off by it in some way, shape, or form. And usually it's an amalgamation. It's not just one or the other. or there's pieces that we take from each.

Um, but you're illuminating that this was something that was so deep for you that you decided like absolutely not. I will not go down that same path because it hit so Whoa, microphone. Oh, because it hit it hit so hard that like it probably it it was a deep trauma.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Right.

— Yeah.

PJ: How did you make that decision?

Jasmine: Okay. Um, I would say how I got to the decision was I'm a very reflective person internally, right? So, I like to

see how things affect me. Kind of back to that love, God, love people.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: So, if I notice that something is making me act a certain kind of way or feel a certain kind of way, I address it and I identify it. I didn't get here overnight.

PJ: Sure. Right.

Jasmine: And even then, I wasn't there overnight. I just had made a decision that my responsibility was mine. Right.

PJ: Right.

Jasmine: I got there though by for me. I read my Bible. My Bible helps me change my mindset to not to do things only selfish. So that sounds odd, but I'm saying I'm choosing myself, but I'm not selfish. I'm choosing myself though for the greater good of someone else.

— Mhm. And and it has to be very intentional in the mindset that you choose.

Jasmine: But you have to be very intentional in which mindset you choose. And then you have to be willing to look at yourself and say, "Are you choosing the best mindset for you in this season?"

— Right?

PJ: Wow, that's a Can you say that again?

Jasmine: Are you choosing the best mindset for yourself in this season?

PJ: How do you get to a point where you can actually look yourself in the mirror and say something like that?

Jasmine: Do it every day. Look at your Look at your

— habit. No, no. I That's what I'm trying to Right.

Jasmine: Yes. It is all about habit.

It's all about um discipline. That's the word I was looking for.

PJ: Okay.

Jasmine: If you're disciplined, we're in the military, we learn about discipline, right? Get up in the morning at 0400.

You go PT. Yeah.

— Every day.

— No break.

— Right.

Jasmine: Right. You get out like me. You got bum knees, back dizziness, and you're like, "Ah, I don't want to work out, but you need to."

PJ: Yeah, absolutely.

Jasmine: Because the discipline is what helped keep me healthy.

PJ: Sure.

Jasmine: Right. So, my knee hurts more when I don't exercise.

How about that?

PJ: Yeah.

Well, so thank you, by the way. Um, I think that the point that that I'm trying to tease out here is, you know, we sometimes will take on habits that serve us and there are times when we take on habits that don't serve us. And we can often let emotions cloud the judgment that you were so aptly able to pull out,

— you know. Okay.

PJ: And and often times when we're in those big emotional states

and and trauma can play big into this, right?

Where we don't look ourselves in the mirror and pause and say, "What is the mindset that will best serve me at this point in time or this season,

right? We have to be in the right point. We have to be in the right mindset to be even able to say that."

Jasmine: Yes.

— Right.

— Yes.

PJ: But the habit of doing so and I think that that's actually cra like not crazy. That's not the word I'm looking for at all. I think it's great that you're that you're doing that sort of thing because the habits will then interrupt and those times when we're in these really really tough emotions and we can stop and say no

— right

PJ: pause for a second it's in that space what is the best mindset that I can leverage right now in this point of time to best serve me in this season

I think that that's awesome um and I think that being able to build that sort of a habit pattern around that is incredible. Um I would love to know how you started that habit.

Jasmine: I I um so I feel like I started the habit because of my grandmother.

One of the things she had us do every Saturday morning was get up, read our Bibles, and pray.

PJ: Okay.

Jasmine: Every Saturday morning.

PJ: Yeah. So she built a habit for you every Saturday morning.

Jasmine: Yeah. every Saturday morning and we had to clean the steps. That was that was one of the things. Read your Bible, break, clean the steps.

PJ: Yeah. Okay.

Jasmine: Um so and and she was instrumental in putting that into me at like age 11 when I moved in with her.

PJ: Right. Okay.

Jasmine: Um so that's how it started. Uh how did I cultivate it? uh cultivation came as a result of me daily looking into my Bible for myself. Uh also going to therapy, right? Um I went to therapy at different times throughout my journey. Right now I'm 44 years old. Um so I learned there's some deeper traumas that I had. Um, and that in order for me to again continue to love other people, I have to work on on me, right?

Um,

so one of the things that I do, I'll talk about one of my little bad spots. I love sugar.

I'm addicted to sugar.

PJ: I think that's pretty common.

Jasmine: Like really bad. Cupcakes or cookies.

PJ: Okay.

Jasmine: Um, specifically Wegmans cupcakes.

PJ: Okay. Yeah.

Jasmine: Yeah. Um, the chocolate ones. Anyways, okay. Do not send them to me, please.

PJ: Okay. Got it. Yeah. Yeah.

Jasmine: And in that I identify that that's an issue, what I do now as a result of identifying that as an issue is instead of going to Wegmans by the bakery section,

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: I go by the strawberries.

PJ: Oh.

Jasmine: and the blueberries and the blackberries.

And I try to eat consume those and make myself think I'm eating cupcakes.

PJ: Oh wow.

Jasmine: It's not easy.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jasmine: And it's very hard. And I'm not there yet. Still once a week I might get that cupcake out.

PJ: Mhm.

Jasmine: Um but I'm practicing the discipline of trying to take care of my body and remove eating sugar all the time.

PJ: So, I I love that you just did this because it's so innocent and a lot of you may be like laughing um and and we just laughed, right? And I'm glad you're able to do that. Um

however, we also know that it's very insidious and it's something that in the longer term won't serve you.

We know that, right?

But I love that you owned it

and I love that you're giving a little bit of insight into how you're dealing with that. Um, so hey, we all have these things. We all have these ways of avoiding. We all have these ways of coping.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Right. Which is really what it is, right? You're coping.

Jasmine: Yep.

PJ: Um, and we all have these and I keep doing um

these things that may not serve us, whether it's, you know, like, hey, I'm going to call some of us out here. Dipping,

drinking,

you know, they're innocent in their own right.

However, they aren't serving us. And let's just be real in in knowing that and owning it. And there's a time and a place.

Jasmine: It is a time and a place.

PJ: Like having a cupcake once is not going to it's it's fine.

Jasmine: It's not. But you shouldn't have one every day.

PJ: Not every day.

Jasmine: No.

PJ: So building in these little things that we can do

to help us overcome the times when we want to do it every day.

Um building the habits that serve us instead. Because I think that one of the things that we're doing here, right, is we're we're we're serving a need.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Right.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: And I'll borrow from someone that I enjoy listening to, you know, Tony Robbins. He talks about six human needs,

you know, he talks about certainty, he talks about uncertainty,

he talks about um significance,

Jasmine: okay,

PJ: love and connection, growth, and contribution, right? The last two being spiritual needs, which we talk a lot about, by the way, in this podcast, right? We've talked about serving a lot because it actually it's a big reason why we join the military to begin with, to serve others, right? To to serve a higher purpose. Um, and sometimes it's to get away. I mean, we have different things that we're also getting at here.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: But it's those two last spiritual needs really truly which fulfill us on a deep level.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: What we're actually looking for is fulfillment here. Right.

Jasmine: Absolutely.

PJ: So when we look at those first four needs and you say, "Hey, I I want a cupcake." Is it is it fulfilling a need for certainty? Yeah. Cuz you know how it feels. You know how it tastes. You know it's going to be delicious. You know it's certain.

Um is it going to serve a a need for uh Oh, we're back. Had a little technical snap through. Um, last time we were talking, we were talking about uh building habits and um and framing what is going on in our lives in a positive light so we can build discipline around uh coping, right?

Jasmine: Yes. Yes.

PJ: So, you know, while while we had to take a little break here, we were talking a little bit and you mentioned, you know, your your husband like how when he was deployed and he went and when he came back, he was he was a different person.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Do you mind if we dovetail into that?

Jasmine: Let's let's dive in.

PJ: Okay. Would you mind sharing that a bit?

Jasmine: Yeah. So, uh my my husband was Navy uh Navy corpsman. He served with the Marines.

Um and so he was deployed to Iraq um in 2006. Um this is, you know, still like wartime. And you know, you have a a person who for the most part I would say was pretty chill, pretty stable. You know, nothing really got to him to uh go away serve in a war because at one point we were actually dual military, right? Because I was there from 2004 and him from 200 2008. um go back to his time overseas, come home and be a different human.

Startled, stressed. I will say he held a job like nobody else that I know experiencing PTSD.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Um

but like at home things were a little hard. They were tough. Um, we had, you know, for me, again, like I said, prayer is a big part of my my journey. So, I would pray for him very often. He would have nightmares that were crazy, you know, loud noises that the kids would be making. He would be like, "Hey, what's that noise?" And it's like, um, they're being kids playing, having fun.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Are they allowed to do that? But we we always had to like walk different because of his experience serving our country. Um and while I know a lot of people talk about PTSD from the experience of veteran the the military person, I don't think enough is being done in terms of the effects that it has down range on the family.

PJ: Yeah, I could see that. Yeah.

So, how did you all deal with that?

Jasmine: So, for me it was prayer again, talking to him, encouraging him to go to therapy and and continuing to encourage him to go to therapy. Still today, I continue to encourage him to go to therapy. I don't think it goes away. It just um as with anything, we talked about a lot of trauma, right? We talked about spiritual things being very much um important to your life and and how you move and discipline when you deal with things that you don't want to face or address.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: When you try to bury them, when you try to like oh and it's just piling up, right? It's it's piling up and at some point you're going to trip over the mess if you don't address it. So for us, I continue to encourage them. Okay, I see it building. You need to address it.

Don't let it build so far that we can't come back from

whatever you done built up, right? So address it by going to therapy, praying. Let's talk about it. And I'm extremely patient. Um so we do a lot of talking. Yeah.

Um and

you have to also be very forgiving, right? Because although you might have an experience where like maybe he might lash out and comments or say something I might not necessarily agree with. You had to be willing to come to the table and just be patient to have a discussion

and then forgive. I kind of forgive in advance. That's my strategy.

PJ: Interesting.

Jasmine: Like I know already this is a thing, right? Because my son also is neurode divergent.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: So I know that for instance he might not remember to

if he washes the dishes he might not remember to dry them off. He might just leave them there. I'm using that as one analogy that just came to me. So same for my husband. I know he might say at the drop of a sound, hey what's that noise? And it might irritate me. No, I already know he's going to do that. So I forgive him for that in advance. That's how I practice for me like monitoring that um that coping I guess you would say. I cope that way. I forgive in advance and that's what helps me be patient.

PJ: I like that. That's it reminds me of of well grace.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Right. Um, and I feel like grace is such a maybe misunderstood

like coping mechanism or tool if you will

because it's so necessary for any type of growth.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Like not only grace for ourselves, grace for each other um in a relationship like going into it with grace or um preforgiveness, if you will,

is is I think that that's something that probably isn't talked about enough. Um

I'm big I'm big on the idea of grace and and to me like the way that that comes about. I don't if you ever heard of the the the Hawaiian prayer ho'oponopono.

Jasmine: Come on. Tell me about

PJ: Actually, it's what my tattoo is, but like um

Jasmine: it's really pretty.

PJ: Yeah. Thank you. Um it's I love you. Thank you. Please forgive me. I'm sorry.

Jasmine: Wow.

PJ: And and and that right there is is taking responsibility for someone.

Um maybe you don't even know.

Right. It's it's just the idea of like I don't care if I'm responsible or not. Fault taken. I'm going to go ahead and just take responsibility for it

because I want you to feel less burdened.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: And I feel like that's kind of what you're hinting at here. Um so so tell me like did you use any resources uh for I think you have a very unique perspective by the way.

Jasmine: Oh thank you.

PJ: Yeah I mean like for someone who was in the military had your own you know trauma beforehand during um and then after just losing the purpose and identity is a trauma.

Jasmine: It is.

PJ: Um, and then now having, you know, your husband go off to war

and come back and be struggling with trauma, you have this very interesting perspective that I think not a lot of spouses of military have. What would you maybe give in the way of advice to maybe a spouse of someone who's in the military where let's talk about the transition period, right? because that's where a lot of this really comes to the forefront. How would you like what would advice would you give them to help navigate that time period in their life where someone who maybe went to war or someone in the military um is now having to face a lot of these uh things that are now bubbling up to the surface because everything's about to change. You know,

Jasmine: I think um I think that's a great question. Um, and I think the first thing I would say is what you said is to give grace, right? Um, but I like to think of things practically, right? Um, so you're going to have moments where things are hot and you need a resource to help you. Um, for us, uh, we use the VA military, uh, I'm forgetting the name. It's a transition center that helps with like PTSD and those kinds of things. Great TAPS,

but and and I had an ombudsman. I'm just going to say I don't think that was as helpful as they believe it to be. They're not

PJ: Do you mean TAP in general or the one that you went to?

Jasmine: The one that I went to. Okay. Yeah. It may be better now, but I'm talking over 21 years ago. Crying out loud.

Yeah. Yeah. But the the the transition period that we experienced for him, I had an ombudsman as part of when he came back. And

you have to plan

for transition. So grace for yourself for what you don't know, grace for yourself for what you do know because you will still make mistakes, right?

And um

like talk to a lot of people. Don't allow like shame and fear or questions to stop you from having a discussion with somebody because they may have went through the things that you're about to go through and they may have tools specifically to what you need. But a lot of times because maybe the military spouse doesn't understand that you need to really lean on somebody in that that way or the veteran doesn't feel like they need to lean on somebody in that way that they refuse to because

you you're macho in some kind of way where I will figure it out because I've always been resourceful. I've always had tools and I don't want to look weak to anyone. Mhm.

Look weak, be vulnerable, ask questions, and use the resources of people around you. And don't lose touch with those around you because it's going to help you. I I talked for for example, one when I transitioned, which was different from when he transitioned, when I was getting out, the first thing the person told me is, "Oh, you can't you can't get VA benefits. You have to be getting put out as a um disabled. So you can't just like apply as a veteran getting know that's the

thing I was told by someone like why would you tell somebody this incorrect truth but I didn't listen to them right because I'm a person that I'm going to find out for myself. So I went to the local base and I found um the VSO that was on base and I asked them I said hey am I not allowed to apply for benefits?

He said who told you that? Oh my friend getting out of the military. So even when you get information, vet it.

PJ: Yeah. Trust but verify.

Jasmine: Yes. Don't don't just take everything at face value, you know. Um so but do like share, be vulnerable, and get information from those around you. Give yourself grace

and financially prepare to transition and do it well.

Cuz everybody doesn't do that.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Yeah. And we're not necessarily always taught the right skills for financial um

PJ: right

Jasmine: growth and wisdom. And so like

try to like now we have no excuse. This is the information age, right? Everything's on YouTube. So right

you go find it and put it in your toolbox. So this is just something else to put in your toolbox. Grace.

PJ: Well, yes. Yes. I I want to challenge that a little bit though and and the reason I say that is because I think that even though all the tools are out there in the information age, I actually think that sometimes it can be overwhelming. I don't disagree with you.

You know, and I think that like especially when we're coming out from like, you know, especially a younger enlisted or something like that where it's like I was told what to do, when to be when to do it, when to be there, what to wear,

you know, now I have to go out and figure it out for myself.

And there's this plethora of information. What's the path do I take?

I think that can be really overwhelming,

you know? Are there something as someone who works for the VA?

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Yeah. like is what what avenues can they take within the VA to help with that?

Jasmine: So the VA has like also its own plethora of information.

We are a organization and I'm not saying this now on behalf of the VA. This just my observation as a veteran. I need to clear that.

Um

as a veteran and a person who works in the VA, this is what I can tell you. Our systems are disjointed. Mhm.

And resource-wise, if you go to the VA, some people get very frustrated by the processes that we have.

PJ: Yeah.

— Right.

Jasmine: So, one of the things I try to tell people, we have a new uh TAPS

um not not a TAPS for a Transition Assistance Program

that's supposed to help on the journey of a veteran um that you can get through our Office of trans Transition and Economic Development. It's called OTED. So, if you go to www.va.gov, you can uh look up OTED and you'll find that as a resource to help you. I would say that would be step one. One of the things you want to also put in your toolkit is keep copies of everything.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Keep copies of everything. So, your DD-214, one of the things I found many people say, I don't know where that is. Y

no, have that. Have that. Have your medical record. Those are things that you need to keep on you because

PJ: make digital copies.

Jasmine: Yes. Make digital copies and paper copies.

PJ: Yeah. Have both copies. Yep.

Jasmine: Um because if you don't then when you going to apply for something and we have again very disjointed systems where we need to do better

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: at making it convenient as it was in the military. Right. You got a bubble you're in in the military with your medical, your dental, your vision, and somebody telling you what to do. You You come out and it is scary.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: It's extremely scary because it's like, what am I going to do for all these things?

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: And how do I do them? Um and

you still have to do your research so you can be informed because sometimes people will say, "Well,

it's it's so much." It is. But like with anything, you have been in a a service where you may have operated something very expensive. Maybe it's a crane in my case like on on the LHD or maybe it's what we call the pig uh which was the fire truck for the flight deck.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Um

those are expensive pieces of equipment

and I had to learn how to operate it.

So I had to read information.

Right. Don't give up your ability to find the information you need. Even though it is overwhelming, take it a step at a time and don't wait till the last minute.

Sometimes, you know, you're used to tell people telling you what to do. Now, you're about to control your own journey and your own way and you need to identify what you need to make that journey successful.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah. And and I think you know you talking about how like talking to other people you know that's been a thread that has has come along quite a bit in in these podcasts is yeah find a mentor find friends that have gotten out. talk to them and and I think that that you know not only with what you've been through you know like from a PTSD or trauma standpoint which I think is very important you know being able to talk about that's hugely important but also just yo man like I'm about to go move across the country right I'm getting out what do I do you know like who do I talk to

those leveraging those resources that are already there like don't forget about them and don't think that you're being a burden you You know, I get that we we've been taught how to be resourceful and like, "Hey, go take that hill. I'm not going to tell you how."

Jasmine: Y,

— right? Cuz it can change.

PJ: It's the same thing like go take the hill um

upon getting out.

Jasmine: Mhm.

PJ: So, I want to I want to talk a little bit actually about your books. Um they both have to do with navigating trauma and PTSD.

What one was the impetus for writing them? And then two, like what what are they about?

Jasmine: Okay.

Yeah.

So, the first one, Help Me Tell, Finding Your Voice After Trauma is the full name of Help Me Tell. Um, that one is a story about a little girl named Lily, um, who experiences a traumatic event. And then she then goes on a healing journey. The story is a depiction of myself. Um, I was abducted at a young age

and um, I have worked through many things to get where I am today. This is not a cakewalk. It's not easy for me to even sit here and say that. Um, but I I am able to do it because I have put in real work

which is why I talk about like not building up that that molehill so so large and allowing stuff to keep going

and not dealing with it, right? Um, so that's that's what the first book is about. It is designed for ages 8 to 10. Um, but I have had people tell me from different ages that it's been impactful for them to begin to deal with their own trauma.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Um, and it's it doesn't specifically talk about an abduction, but it does talk about a traumatic event,

— right?

Jasmine: Yeah. Um, so then the Together in the Trenches is a devotional that really came from my own experiences with my husband and also my son and just writing those down. Uh, what scriptures that I was working with that day that may have helped me. Uh, like prompts that I have used to help me be reflective of what I was experiencing. and then um something encouraging. Um so yeah, that's that's those were the starting points was something happened that caused me the need to get to this space where I have to tell my story and I have to help other people heal on their journey.

PJ: Oh, cool.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Yeah. I like that. By the way, I do want to I want to point out cuz many of you if you have been following along are probably like, "Wow, in every single one of these episodes, we're talking about, you know, religion and and specifically Christianity." I want to make it clear like there is no this is not a religious podcast, but I do want to point out that every one of our guests has found some sort of solace or some sort of tool or or strength.

Yeah. in in a higher power. So, whatever it may be for you, if that is something that's helpful, like I highly encourage you to to take that path if it's helpful. Um, so thank you for sharing that because I will never hold that back in any way, shape, or form.

Um, so

I'm curious,

you know, you did mention a couple things that you still maybe struggle with.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Can you put a name to some of those things? Like what are some things if you look back and and I and and I guess let's anchor this, you know, to pull on the Navy thread. Um yeah, no pun intended.

Jasmine: Anchors aweigh.

PJ: Yeah.

So, you know, getting out in the transition, um what are some things that you still struggle with from your own transition out of the military?

Jasmine: Yeah. Uh so, some things I still struggle with some my own transition I would say is discipline. I have a lot of aches and pains and dizzy spells. those things affect my ability to be disciplined and exercise.

Also, I would say um in terms of identity and purpose, initially I struggled very hard with that.

Um I'm just getting to the place where I understand what my purpose is and being able to communicate it in a way that's clear and concise to others.

PJ: Right. That's storytelling.

Jasmine: Yes. And I got there because my background was so dramatic that I needed.

— It's fine.

Jasmine: Yep. I needed to to fix it. So yeah.

PJ: Yeah.

So what what is your purpose then?

Jasmine: Uh I would right now I understand that my purpose is this um to love God and love people. But I do that by hit being able to tell my own story and helping other people tell theirs. That's my elevator pitch.

PJ: I like that.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: And I love that you came full circle because you were talking about how love God, love people. And you were saying that one of the things that you were still struggling with or or had a hard time when you were getting out of the military was this identity and purpose piece. Um, please and can you elaborate on that? Like what were we feeling like what how did that manifest?

Jasmine: Well, I I will say it manifested in that it was like feeling insecure about like what I was going to do next, you know, used to people telling me stuff and

I followed instructions extremely well.

PJ: Sure.

Jasmine: Um, and now I was making my own decisions for my own life in a different way. Right. Again, still in my faith journey. Um, but I will say one of the things in terms of this that I I want to encourage people on who are like in this space of figuring out transition is that you will feel like you don't have purpose because it's changing and becoming different but you do that still exists within you and um maybe you are exploring that as part of working with process.

PJ: Yeah.

— Yeah. Yeah,

PJ: thank you for the book.

Jasmine: You're welcome.

PJ: I I actually I want to talk to that for a second. You know, I think that a lot of people a lot of people inside and outside of the military, but especially those that were in the military when we've been so ingrained in a way of operating that's all about like taking care of those around you.

Yeah. And I think that this equally goes out to if not more in a lot of ways to um stay at home moms and those who are are like may have been even raised in that sort of a culture where it's like all about taking care of other people but not yourself so much.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: In fact, it's one of the least selfish things that you can do.

Jasmine: Absolutely.

— Because you can't take care of someone else if you can't take care of yourself.

Jasmine: 100% agree.

PJ: I also think this goes deeper.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: If you can't love yourself, you can't love other people.

Jasmine: Absolutely.

PJ: If you can't respect yourself, you can't respect other people. If you can't trust yourself, you can't trust other people. There's a beautiful book out there called The Speed of Trust.

Jasmine: Oh, read that.

PJ: It's a great book. Okay.

You've probably heard of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Jasmine: I I love Stephen Covey. I use it all the time.

PJ: Yes. So, his son

Mhm. also Stephen Covey Stephen M.R. as it were wrote The Speed of Trust.

Jasmine: Okay.

PJ: He tells about how something as simple as getting out getting up when his alarm goes off is building trust with himself. Now think about this for a second.

If we if our habit pattern is when the alarm goes off to hit snooze, we are internally building a habit and a dialogue of I cannot trust myself.

Jasmine: Wow.

PJ: And this builds even deeper to like now all of a sudden where it's like, oh, I have to turn something in and here's a deadline. It's like, yeah, but it's fine and it goes over maybe a day. It bleeds. That little tiny habit bleeds into everything.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: And I think in the military, we're pretty decent at this in most things because of the discipline that we're given. But what's interesting though is that that little tiny habit pattern then actually causes us to lose trust and faith in others.

Jasmine: Yeah.

PJ: Because we can't trust oursel.

Jasmine: Absolutely.

PJ: And he talks about the shift here and that he actually winds up making is that he makes the commitment with himself the night before that I'm going to wake up with my alarm goes off.

Regardless of how tired I am, I'm making the point now. Like I'm checking now. If I want to sleep in, I'm deciding now. And that's okay. I'm giving myself permission for the next morning because I'm deciding now. But if I set my alarm to wake up and go to the gym tomorrow morning, I am waking up tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off to go to the gym. It is such a tiny little shift,

but that whole habit pattern of trust is just huge. And it starts in here. It starts in here. Um I know that was a little bit of a tangent.

Jasmine: No, I love that tangent,

but uh

thank you for that resource.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah. So I guess on that note, what's your favorite book?

Jasmine: My favorite book is a new recent book to me. Uh it is by Robert Kiyosaki and it talks about the four quadrants.

PJ: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So Robert Kiyosaki. Yes. Rich Dad Poor Dad?

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Jasmine: Yes. So he wrote a second book. I think it's from 2011. So it's a little older. Um but it talks about the four quad quadrants and being an employee, a small business, a business owner 500 plus or an investor. And it he lays out the importance really of um getting into all four of those quadrants or what it looks like and identifying what it looks like to operate out of only one of each of those quadrants. Okay. And then what you can do to make changes

for yourself.

PJ: Yeah. Yeah.

Jasmine: If you choose to.

PJ: Oh, I like that. And how has that served you?

Jasmine: Uh, so because I just finished re Oh,

PJ: you just finished. I love that Friday. That's what I

That's awesome. I love it. Actually, funny story. So I I my son is is 10. Okay.

Um, he'll be 11 actually this upcoming week. But

we listened to Rich Dad Poor Dad together on on the way to school every morning because when I first started listening to it, I was like, "Wait a minute. This this guy is nine in the story. My son at the time was nine. I was like, "Maybe this will resonate."

I finished the book and when I finished the book with him, I was like, "Okay,

if I don't put this into action, he's going to think I'm setting the example that books are only for reading and entertainment and not for action."

Jasmine: Absolutely.

PJ: So, that's when we bought the Airbnb. Um, what about podcasts?

Jasmine: Uh, so yeah, favorite podcast is actually Mel Robbins.

PJ: Oh, I love Mel Robbins.

Jasmine: Yeah. And the reason is because I'm starting to go through the change. Uh, and she really talks about some of the resources that um, people in my age group need.

Um, and have not really talked about very well before and don't have the resources for. So,

PJ: Got it. Okay. Yeah. And are there some good resources out there?

Jasmine: I'm still learning them, so I don't want to say what they are, but I think that uh

if you are a woman

at the age of 30 and above, you should check out the Mel Robbins podcast cuz it's phenomenal. Um, and she really does have industry experts that really talk to changes that we're experiencing in our body and changes that we need to experience even in our thoughts and our thinking. So, really helpful.

PJ: Well, hey, I I really appreciate this because like I said, I think you bring a very unique perspective in that being in the military yourself, having gone through the transition, then you know, having your husband PTSD and then transition himself. Um, you know, one of the things that I want to serve here with this podcast and this audience is not just the military service members themselves, but but spouses thereof. And I think that that you're to your point, you said this earlier is that that is an often overlooked crowd.

Um, especially when it comes to trauma and when it comes to the transition itself. Um, so I guess the last thing I I would love to ask from you is like are there any resources that you would suggest for um and resources specifically that exist out there that maybe you've had experience with that you know a let's say a spouse or a um a service member themselves could leverage during the transition period.

Jasmine: Um so a resource specifically what I would say is go to va.gov. That's one. Your local VSO is another. Um, and then, uh, lastly, I would say each state has a veterans, um, service organization or a veterans state facility that can help you with different things, whether you're starting a business or whatever the case may be. IVMF is really good about helping people transition with the different programs they have on Onward to Opportunity and other things. So, I would definitely go there and check them out. Yeah.

And um

I had recently heard of this resource, but 1 Million Cups, uh they actually have a conversation every Wednesday and it's throughout the country. So, you just go to their website and you find a local place where um if you're a business owner or you're looking to start a business, it might be a good space to help you out there as well.

PJ: Oh, interesting. Okay. Actually, I can vouch. Well, maybe not IVMF, but but Bunker Labs, which I guess is now part of IVMF.

Jasmine: Yes.

PJ: Um if you are looking to start a small business, which military is is very very

um apt to. I mean, what is like almost half of the Fortune 500 are like military service members um owned businesses. So, it's it's a good route to go if you're interested. I do understand it's a big leap though, but there are are definite resources out there. Bunker Labs is a great one which is now part of IVMF where you can get a lot of direction, a lot of resources, um even even funding. I mean, there's some great opportunities that exist out there. So, don't please don't go it alone. there's definitely people and opportunities out there to make it happen and be successful.

Um, I really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for showing up.

So, how can people get a hold of you?

Jasmine: Yes. Uh, so you can find me on Instagram at Speaking from the Lens, Facebook at Speaking from the Lens, TikTok from Speaking from the Lens.

PJ: Yeah.

Jasmine: Uh, or if you want to look for me on LinkedIn, I am Jasmine Rush VA on LinkedIn.

PJ: Oh, okay. Cool. Awesome. We'll drop all of that in the show notes. So, if you want to see any of that or get a hold of Jasmine, you can do it there. Um, also want to point out if you haven't seen it before, all the books and the podcasts and all that fun stuff that we mentioned, I try to drop all those in the show notes as well. So, please check that out because we do take the time to curate that. So, um, so it's useful for everyone.

— So, thank you.

PJ: If uh, thank you all for stopping by. If you have any sort of feedback for this episode, I know it was kind of jumpy. I apologize. We have some learnings taking out of this one from a from a technical standpoint, but if you have any other feedback or or comments, you know, please leave them below. If you have any questions you would like us to ask our guests as they come in, or if you have suggestions for guests that you think be great on the show, please let me know. Um, other than that, like, subscribe, you know the deal. But, uh, we'll catch you all next time. Take care.